Tuesday, 21 July 2009

What To Do?

I am having a slight trauma. Not my trauma, a dilemma being experienced by my poor oldest girl R. Now I don't know if I've managed to convey just what a kind hearted, giving and loyal child my girl is.... but she is. This doesn't seem to be working for her at the moment as her friend of the last five years appears to be ganging up on her with another little darlin'. It appears that my girls "friend" is playing with this other girl (we have had problems with this other girl a couple of years ago) and is quite happy for this child to tell R to go away and say her friend (let's just call her A) doesn't like her any more and doesn't want anything to do with her. It has now escalated to the point where A is telling my little girl she hates her and to leave her alone. There is more complication in as much as A's mum is very anti this other child as she was actually bullying A a couple of years ago and she was very unhappy at school.

So eldest girl has started to play with another little girl, this is also not acceptable apparantly and A is showing signs of jealousy and trying to put obstacles in the way of the new friendship. I suspect a lot of the problem lies with A wanting to be in with the "in" crowd and as R goes her own way and has her own mind I don't think she fits the bill.

Tonight was my girls school disco for the end of term, and A's grandma very kindly offered to take her and bring her back for us. Ah good, methinks, maybe it's all settling down. Nope R has returned in a sad and low mood as A ignored her all evening and was running around with the other girl and her posse. Now, tomorrow is the last day of term and my instinct is to go and rip A's head off her shoulders and to let her mother know she is in fact hanging about with this lovely little madam (her mother would then explode!) However my girlie is not up for this scenario, and I know it is inappropriate for me to take a ten year old to one side and have words .

So, any words of wisdom or advice gratefully accepted.

Normally over the school hols there would be a lot of to-ing and fro-ing between our houses, but my girl doesn't want to invite her pal A over, and doesn't want to visit her's either...Mind you she is stressed as to how to put this cos she doesn't want to give these girls room to manouevre her into a worse position . I fell so sad for her, it's a hard lesson to learn that not everyone is as honourable as you'd wish. My daughter would never behave in this way and it makes me so cross that her good nature has been taken advantage of. I think her friend A thinks that she will act as a good safety net and that she can treat her anyway she wishes as R has always remained steadfast previously. I think R should just chalk it up to experience and stick with this other little girl who seems more genuine, but then it's not me who has to slink about the playground avoiding trouble is it? That was a good 27 years ago as I was recently reminded.

Fed up now, gonna listen to my boys (Take That in case you were wondering ) get a cup of hot choccy and try to unwind, whilst not picturing my hands round small childrens throats... I mean, whilst de-stressing from the evenings traumas .


  1. Very sad! Why can't we all get along? I hope someone has some good advice for you. I would tell my daughter to be nice to them all. To rise above the other girls behavior.

  2. Oh bless her, it's heartbreaking. All I can say is that it will surely all sort itself out and it will make your lovely girl stronger. Maybe the school holidays will put some distance between them.

  3. It is the worst feeling when you cannot solve your own child's problems. Some things must work themselves out. Just watch over her closely. It is a crazy world out there!

  4. Oh what a shame. I wish we could wrap our children up in cotton wool. I hope things settle down.

  5. Oh my goodness, I can't imagine how hard this must be for YOU to watch. This is a wonderful opportunity for teaching about friends, honesty, and so many things. Females are a mess and I've found it sometimes gets worse as we get older. Pray with your dear daughter as she goes through these growing pains. Sometimes it's best to let time tell all and watch how they handle things.