Tuesday, 7 April 2009

Enthusiasm Waning

The enthusiasm to go back to the world of work that is...not like I was that enthusiastic anyway. I ended up staying wide awake until the antisocial hour of about half past late (quarter to two to you )with a rather disturbing sick feeling in the pit of my stomach. The conversation in my head went something like this "I don't want to leave my baby girl, I don't want to leave my baby girl, I don't want...." on and on and on. None of my usual well thought out and considered arguments were working on myself last night. I just felt ill at the idea of leaving my baby in the hands of others.

The truth is I know she would be fine, it is only three days out of the week and not full days either. She would get to go somewhere and play all day, she loves to meet people and socialise, I don't want to leave my baby (oops it keeps creeping back in).

This is all academic at the moment so I shall travel down that well known river (you know de nile!!!) and ignore all disturbing thoughts for now.

If only I could find a way to stay home and bring money in, oh and have you looked at those homeworking sites? Not one thing I've looked at strikes me as genuine.

I am off to wash plates now, by hand, not in a dishwasher, oh gloom oh woe is me... all this and my dishwasher is broken, snifff.

Head's about to fall off through lack of sleep now. Just going to look at childcare in the local area (me, I can look after them, pay me) cos I have said I don't necessarily need half terms (lie, but it might get me back in there) and although eldest lad is a teenager, when it comes to leaving him unattended what you have to remember is... he's a teenager.

Going to find my kettle and cup and construct something useful (cuppa tea ).


  1. I haven't back read all of your posts. But, have you considered finding a couple kids that are the same age as your own to watch for cash under the counter. I mean cold hard cash. Not a check that can be traced. Folks pay big money for child care. A baby can be almost $1000 a month. And, the darn thing doesn't even move!!! Find a few babies. Check out my post for potty training bloggers! IT WILL CRACK YOU UP!!!

  2. The socialization for your girl is so good for her (opinion only) But, if you could watch a few kids, it would solve the $ problem and the socialization need.

  3. good luck with your decisions...it's not easy

  4. Oh you poor thing - I know just how you feel. Last year I agreed to do some English teaching for a couple of weeks. I thought my husband would be around to look after the children but he ended up having to work. My only choice was to put the two children in to nursery. Turned out, after paying the nursery fees I was working for minus money. Cheaper to stay at home and look after the children. Not easy...

  5. trust me.. been there...done that... all without sleep as you are! It is a hard decision but I think she'll do fine AND you will as well! good luck with your decision making!